


starvation

by xSparklingRavenx



Category: Code Vein (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Drama, Drunkenness, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-07
Updated: 2019-10-07
Packaged: 2020-11-26 18:49:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20935037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xSparklingRavenx/pseuds/xSparklingRavenx
Summary: He’d doled out the limited alcohol to the others as best as he could. Coco refused the drink, but Davis and Murasame hadn’t, each with their own glass as he swallowed back one after the other. Louis, spoilsport that he was, was hiding away in his little cavern of books, his own drink left untouched on the table. He was lucky Yakumo had even given him that much; the two of them had hardly said two words to one another since they’d returned from their trip into the city, their argument from hours ago still hanging heavy in the atmosphere. Yakumo hadn’t forgotten that, even with the fog of alcohol clouding his mind.Thanks to Louis’s inability to play anything other than good-cop, they were once again rationing, their already bare-bones supply of blood beads down to single digits.





	starvation

**Author's Note:**

> If you give Yakumo the brandy he says something along the lines of "Louis got pissed at me last time I got drunk" so I ran with it
> 
> please just take this i've been looking at it too long. beta'd and edited by me myself and i so if you do see any mistakes do let me know and i'll edit ASAP

The church reverberated with the sound of heavy, pounding music.

Yakumo could feel it in the vibrations of his bones, in the thumping in his chest that was from the song and not his own, BOR-infested heart. Another sip of aged brandy chased its way down his throat, and though the drink did nothing to satiate his sense of thirst, it burned a trail all the way to his stomach. He bounced his head to the heavy metal, the guitars screeching throughout the hallowed halls.

Though he’d lost count of how many drinks he’d had by now, it was enough to set his head on fire, enough to let him let down his guard and just do whatever he felt like.

He’d doled out the limited alcohol to the others as best as he could. Coco refused the drink, but Davis and Murasame hadn’t, each with their own glass as he swallowed back one after the other. Louis, spoilsport that he was, was hiding away in his little cavern of books, his own drink left untouched on the table. He was lucky Yakumo had even given him that much; the two of them had hardly said two words to one another since they’d returned from their trip into the city, their argument from hours ago still hanging heavy in the atmosphere. Yakumo hadn’t forgotten that, even with the fog of alcohol clouding his mind.

Thanks to Louis’s inability to play anything other than good-cop, they were once again rationing, their already bare-bones supply of blood beads down to single digits.

Trying to forget his own ridiculous thirst, Yakumo rocked his head back and forth in time with the music, the roar of it drowning out Murasame’s giggles as she tried to tell an inane story about Coco and this human she’d apparently met a couple of months back. Yakumo got up unsteadily, went over to the jukebox, and turned up the volume. If there was anything he didn’t want to hear about, it was humans, with their delicious blood and their delectable throats and—

He caught sight of Louis’ only visible eye glaring at him from over the brim of his book. Yakumo knew that look, knew that it meant Louis was at the edge of his tether, and turned the dial up a fraction more while maintaining eye-contact. The alcohol buzzing in his still-bloodstream told him it was a good idea, that Louis, over-bearing fool that he was, could do with being frustrated too.

Louis’s fingers twitched at the sides of his book. He’d been fidgety all day, like someone was constantly sending electric bolts through him. Yakumo watched him bite the inner corner of his lip and smirked in victory.

“Woo, Yakumo!” cried Murasame, slurring her words despite the fact that she’d had half of her glass at most. “Let’s get this party started!”

“You gotcha,” he said, high-tailing it back to the bar with a spring in his admittedly not-all-that-stable step. He lifted his glass of half-drunk brandy and jumped up onto the bar with all the elegance of an ailing monkey. “Here, here, to all you beautiful bastards, except my good friend over there who keeps giving away our food. A toast, in your honour!”

He knocked back the glass there and then, taking delight in the resounding _slap _of Louis snapping his book shut. Davis sucked in air through his teeth, his eyebrows raised ever so slightly, while Coco rolled her eyes at the entire debacle. Murasame cheered, her _whoops _high pitched over the sound of the music, and in an instant she was jumping up onto the bar too. As he finished his drink, she smashed her glass into his before letting the music sweep her away.

The two of them rocked out the best they could on the small ledge of the countertop, violent and wild. He’d fought on dicier ground before, where chasms awaited to claim his life. Louis’s bar was hardly any danger in comparison.

“Get up here, Coco!” Yakumo extended a hand to her, and when she refused, he held it out to Davis instead. “C’mon, let’s let loose! It ain’t long ‘til we all turn Lost anyway, so we might as well enjoy ourselves while we can!”

The brandy had destroyed his filter, and his anger was manifesting in his antics. After spending an entire day holding it in, he was finally indulging in his fury in the only way he knew how—through petty acts and bitter jabs. Miguel had always said that he could be barbarous when he wanted, though usually it was directed at the people who used them, at psychotic assholes like Mido, like others that escaped his fragmented memories. Louis, he knew, didn’t deserve it, not really—they were _friends, _and friends were supposed to stand-by one another’s choices.

But damn it, they were all already starving and Louis was squandering their resources by trying to constantly save every lost soul they came across, like some kind of idiot-messiah. If Yakumo didn’t do something—anything—to let out his frustration, he’d turn Lost quicker than any of them could say ‘Queen’.

Davis denied his request to dance, so it ended up as it started, with Yakumo and Murasame head-banging to the music alone. Coco, perhaps sensing an incoming storm, announced that she was heading out to the sauna, and Yakumo, in the midst of a particularly intense moment of air-guitar, barely noticed her leave. He continued to clatter around the bar, making as much noise as he could, thumping about and singing badly out-of-time, all while Murasame leapt up and down in front of Davis, squealing all the while.

Caught up in the moment, in the music, in the absolute haze of all the brandy he’d consumed, Yakumo stopped paying attention to the world around him. All that mattered was the swaying of the world, the heavy thrum of the guitars, the drums. He could almost forget it all, his anger, his thirst, his circumstances. It had been an age since he’d been drunk properly, the alcohol all too scarce and his friends all scattered. If it had been up to him, this would have been under more favourable circumstances, and he’d have gotten Louis so wasted that he’d have finally been able to see what really hid behind his calm, proper exterior.

Instead, Louis only seemed determined to ruin his day even further.

The song was just reaching its fever-pitch—the absolute best part where the music totally exploded—when it suddenly cut off, throwing Yakumo off his tempo entirely. He snapped his head back up to see Louis standing by the jukebox, the cord hanging from his grasp, his expression resembling a Lost. His hair had moved ever so slightly, both his eyes visible now, and they were borderline glowing, bright red.

“Awww,” Mursame said. “I was having fun!”

“Enough,” Louis said quietly, fixing Yakumo with that heated stare. “If you’ve got a problem, I’d rather you speak up about it instead of blasting music so loud that none of us can think.”

He sounded like himself, all soft tones and carefully chosen words, but even drunk as Yakumo was, he could hear the icy waters beneath. Hopping off the bar, he staggered forwards, one finger pointing in an accusatory manner. “Oh, so _now _you wanna listen to me, Louis?”

His words were running into one another, diminishing their impact, but he was past caring. Louis stared him down as Yakumo ambled towards him, inhibited by the brandy and his own half-dormant frustration.

“I’m always listening to you, Yakumo,” Louis said.

“Are you?” Yakumo said, laughing around the words. “You sure weren’t when I told you to _not _give away those blood beads.”

It was dead quiet now. Neither Murasame nor Davis made a sound. The church didn’t so much as creak, and Louis didn’t reply immediately, giving Yakumo more ammunition. “You wanna make everyone in the world your friend, Louis? Wanna make nice with every wandering thrall? Cool, you do you, you go ahead and starve, but I dunno if you noticed, it’s not just about you here!”

Louis dropped the cable. “We had this argument earlier. Those revenants were starving, and we have enough—”

“Do we?” Yakumo asked. He wasn’t sobering up quickly enough, his voice not quite co-operating properly. “You think I don’t notice you not drinking when the rest of us are?”

Louis’s eyes flicked towards the drink he’d left untouched on the side. Yakumo’s brain caught up a few seconds later and he barked out a laugh. “No, not that. You idiot, you stupid, idiot, bastard—”

“You’re drunk.” Louis said.

“And you’re delusional!” Yakumo hissed. “Giving away each and every bead we find, and then skimping on your own just so your precious friends can drink. Not like it matters, when the last wandering thrall you went ahead and gave your stash to got himself killed anyway—”

The punch caught him off guard, his reactions slowed by the alcohol. Louis’s fist caught him in the jaw, and Murasame gasped as Davis flew out of his seat.

“Hey!” he snapped, his voice booming, but Yakumo wasn’t about to let Louis get away with it. Though the punch hadn’t been expected, Yakumo wasn’t a wallflower, he didn’t bend to slight pressure. He snatched Louis up by his waistcoat, his fingers gripping the material tight.

The difference in height and size between them made up for Yakumo’s clumsiness. Louis was light enough to haul around without much difficulty or skill, which was exactly his weakness in a fight. He relied on blitzing around the battlefield, keeping out of harm’s reach, but Yakumo had him now. He tossed Louis back easily, sending him stumbling hard into Davis’ motorbike.

“That was out of character, hitting me like that. You mad because I’m telling the truth?” Yakumo felt more clear-headed than before, his argument more grounded. He caught Louis by his clothes again, pulling him close in his anger. “Lashing out at me now because you know I’m right?”

Louis was so close that he could feel his breath on his face—and close enough that as he shifted, Yakumo saw the way black veins crept up his skin from the confines of his shirt, thin yet prominent. He let go of him in surprise, and Louis, despite knowing that he’d already seen, moved to adjust his clothing in defence.

Yakumo laughed incredulously. “You know, I thought your eyes were just angry, but now I know. You’re not furious, you’re just hungry.”

Louis hid the beginnings of frenzy so easily. His eyes were naturally red, or at least, they had been in the entire time Yakumo had known him. If he was teetering at the edge, if he was letting his revenant nature overtake him, he made it difficult to tell. Intentionally so or not, he hid from them all the time.

“I can deal with it,” Louis said. “Another day makes no difference to me. I _was _reading to take my mind off of the hunger, but you weren’t content to let me sit in peace.”

“God, you’re so selfish, you know that?” Yakumo couldn’t bear to look at him anymore, turning his back on him sharply. The world tilted a little around him, but he didn’t feel nearly as drunk as he had been. “You pretend to be oh-so-selfless, giving up all your precious beads to anyone who would ask, but you’re just as willing to let us suffer, aren’t you? And then you see us starving and you start skipping meals too, and we’re _still _suffering.”

“I made sure you all still had enough. I didn’t give away everything—”

“This isn’t even _about _my thirst anymore, or Murasame’s, or Davis’, or Coco’s!” Yakumo turned back to him, throwing his arms as if it would emphasise his point any further. “This is about you giving more than you’ve got, and us having to watch you push yourself to the brink of frenzy to compensate for it. Yeah, I fucking _hate _that I’m starving hungry and that could have been prevented, but do you think I like seeing you literally on the edge either? You’re a righteous, self-serving asshole who only cares about your own feelings. You’re not giving out beads because you actually care about those sorry sacks of shit out there, you’re giving them out so you can feel better about yourself!”

Silence once more. Louis narrowed his eyes, but he didn’t say anything. Yakumo stalked right past him, grabbed the cord from where it had fallen, and jammed it back into the wall. The music blared out once more, and Yakumo went back to the bar, grabbing his nearly empty bottle of brandy. “Well, now that that’s settled, who’s ready to start this over?”

He’d just brought it to his lips, ready to just tip back the remainder, when Louis finally spoke up. “You’re right.”

Yakumo froze mid-motion, because despite the roar of the music, that sounded a lot like an admission of truth from Louis, and that couldn’t be right because Louis was rarely ever forthright with anything about himself. Yakumo had partnered up with him because Louis was intelligent and had a mission, but when he really thought about it, he knew hardly anything about him. Where he came from, if he had any family, what his story was, if he even had a surname—Yakumo knew none of it.

“What was that?” Yakumo asked, feeling Davis and Murasame’s eyes turn to him. “Did you say something, Louis?”

“I said,” Louis wrenched the cord from the wall again, his eyes flashing dangerously, “that you’re right.”

The music came to an abrupt stop, and Yakumo swore that he could see the frenzied veins creeping up Louis’s throat. His shoulders were shaking, made more obvious by the fact that he was trying to hide it. The cord clattered against the floor when he dropped it. “Every single revenant out there, you included, you’re all suffering from _my _mistake. I can’t even remember what it was, my head is so full of holes that I don’t even know what’s driving me half the time. Do you know I don’t even know his name? That thrall you mentioned? I don’t know his name.”

_Kevin, _Yakumo’s mind supplied, having heard Louis lament over him before—which death had stolen that memory from him? Their mission was rarely ever so simple, and the two of them had dispersed time and time again, but Louis always seemed so complete that Yakumo never questioned him.

He didn’t get a chance to give Louis the name, because he was off again, his hands in fists, his body trembling violently. “I did this. I ruined us all, and I don’t know how. It’s the only way I can make up for it, if I don’t help them, if I don’t make amends, then how can I ever live with myself? Answer me that, Yakumo, and if you can’t, then what right do you have to judge my choices?”

His voice got higher, quicker, more frenetic than Yakumo had ever heard him before. _He’s losing himself, _he thought sluggishly, but Davis acted faster than he could, grabbing Louis by his shoulders before he could lose control for real. Those veins were spiralling out of control, the frenzy brought on suddenly no doubt by the sudden emotional distress. He fought Davis’s hold, his hands finding his hair and gripping at the roots.

As Louis screamed, those veins spreading over his face, Yakumo felt the sound rattle through him, piercing and curdling and all-too-similar to the Lost.

“Someone get me a bead! Move it!” Davis ordered, and both Yakumo and Murasame went scrambling in search of one, the two of them finally sobered by the immediate crisis. His head was a mess, and he could barely put one thought in front of the other as he went rifling through Louis’s things, tossing aside history books and worn novels in search of his hidden rations, the ones he saved for when things got especially tight.

There were three beads sat in a small bag, and as he grabbed for them, he realised that Louis was calling out for someone as Davis fought to keep him from bolting, from rioting out of control. It was difficult to make out in his frantic yelling, but it sounded like a name, like he was shouting _Karen _over and over. There was no one by that name at the base, but Yakumo didn’t know enough about Louis to place it. They’d all lost loved ones, some they remembered, some they didn’t. but Louis never spoke of anyone from his past.

Sometimes, Yakumo had found himself wondering if Louis even remembered anything at all from his human life. Now he knew that he did—and that included some mysterious happenstance where he’d apparently made some kind of horrific mistake. He grabbed the beads, all three to be safe, and dashed back to Davis, thrusting them at him as Louis writhed in his grip.

The smell of the blood furthered his lust for it, and it was as Yakumo passed the beads over that Louis went and sank his fangs into Davis’s arm. Davis ripped himself away instantly with a grunt, not giving Louis the chance to drink and lose himself to an incompatible blood code. The beads all dropped to the floor, and Yakumo launched himself at one, his brandy-inflicted double-vision making the task of grabbing it a lot harder than it seemed.

Murasame came to the rescue, somehow managing to snatch one up that had rolled towards her and tossing it to him. Yakumo barely caught it, and in the same movement he caught Louis around the waist, holding him with his back against his chest as he held the bead in front of his face.

“Eat!” Yakumo shouted, and Louis stopped pulling at his hair long enough to grab it, biting into the surprisingly soft surface of the tear-shaped bead. Yakumo breathed finally as Louis attacked the bead with the grace of a beast, entirely unlike himself.

He saw Davis quietly sheath a small dagger back into his government issued uniform, and knew instantly that he’d been considering something that Yakumo had briefly thought about. A quick death as a revenant would be kinder than an eternity wandering as an immortal Lost, but it hadn’t come to pass.

“You alright?” Yakumo asked, nodding towards his arm.

Davis nodded. “Nothing serious. It doesn’t even need serious regeneration. I’ve seen worse from catching myself on work tools.”

“That could have gone better,” Murasame said, retrieving the last two beads from where the had rolled. Yakumo finally loosened his grip on Louis, who went down on his knees as he continued to drain the bead dry. His attention was entirely on the blood, his eyes still that ravenous red, but the black veins were retreating. 

Pressing a hand to his face, Yakumo winced. “This was on me. I screwed up, he was fine ‘til I pushed him.”

“Don’t talk about me like I’m not here,” Louis muttered, the empty bead falling from his grasp, hitting the floor with a _thunk. _“That display was…I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have lost my composure.”

“You’re back?”

“I think.” Louis winced, his hair falling in his face. He pushed the heel of his palm against his visible eye. “My head is killing me. Forget it, I just want to go to…I’m going to sleep.”

“Louis—” Murasame began.

“Later,” he said, getting to his feet. He was as unsteady as Yakumo had been earlier. He wanted to help, to stabilise him, but there was still friction between them and Yakumo was still furious, even more-so now he’d seen just how close Louis had been to the edge. “Thank you for helping me. I’ll see you all in the morning.”

Yakumo watched him go, his jaw clenched. “Damn him, acting like that didn’t just happen,” he said once Louis was out of earshot. “High and mighty ‘til the end…doesn’t he get it?”

“You both need to cool off,” Davis said. “Give it until morning. You’re friends, aren’t you? Things will work out.”

Yakumo looked over to Louis’s desk, where his drink still sat untouched, and heaved a sigh. “Whatever. If you’re heading off, I’m gonna stay up for a bit.”

“Drinking the rest of that?” Murasame said. “Is that such a good idea?”

“Not drinking,” Yakumo said, approaching the desk and picking up the book Louis had been trying to read before his patience had run out. One of his fiction books, a dragon embossed on the cover. “Just gonna try and chill out a little. Think a bit. You know.”

Davis and Murasame shared a look, but they relented and left too. In the end, it was just Yakumo and Louis’s books, the candles lending as much light as he needed. He took a seat in the chair and leant back, dropping the book back on the desk. Escapist fool, Yakumo thought, his head buzzing with the left-over energy from the frantic dash only minutes before.

He needed a break.

\-- 

When the morning light woke Yakumo, he found himself wincing, all of it too bright for his aching eyes. His head was pounding like the music from the night before, and his stomach was doing unfortunate flips. All the stories made out vampirism to be some kind of miracle cure, there were never any hangovers for his fictional counterparts.

The reality was crueller; not only did he have to deal with the headaches, but he also had to deal with the fact that he was still thirsty, and no water would fix it.

He rubbed his temples and got up, the empty blood bead on the floor reminding him of the disaster of the night before. It had been half on him. Though Louis had pushed himself to the limit, Yakumo had dragged him over it with his goading. If they had lost him, he would have had himself partly to blame for it. It made him sick.

With a groan, he went staggering off towards the mirror, hoping to get a good look at the mess he’d made of himself. As he reached the centre point of the church, though, he sensed a presence to his left—and turning to face the balcony revealed that he wasn’t alone. Louis was sitting out there on one of the chairs, facing the Gaol of Mists, his hair still mussed from sleep, his arms crossed against his chest. His blood veil was draped across the back of the chair, silent and unassuming.

Yakumo sighed and went to retrieve his novel from the night before. He dropped it on the table in front of Louis, rubbing the back of his head with his other hand sheepishly as Louis peered up at him.

“This thing any good?” he asked. “I mean, before I wrecked your focus. You seemed pretty engrossed.”

Louis eyed the book, and then reached forward to pick it up. “I’ve read better, but it’s okay. Fantasy novels are rarely ever so fun to read anymore, unfortunately. I preferred them when I didn’t live their realities in my own life.”

“There are vampires in this one?”

“No, but there are draconic zombies, if that piques your interest.”

“Not really, never been much for reading books.” Yakumo paused, considering. “Comics though, they’re pretty good. Dunno if you’re too much of a stuck-up elitist to read something like that, but I’ve got a couple if you ever wanna look.”

Louis’s surprise was evident on his face. “I’ll read anything I can get my hands on. If you’d be willing to lend them to me, I’d be happy to take a look.”

“Sure,” Yakumo said, not sure what else to fill the silence with. The two of them stared out towards the mist, the quiet stretching on uncomfortably. The events of the night before were still thick in the air, tension so heavy that Yakumo could feel it weighing down on his shoulders.

“I’m sorry.”

They both said it at the exact same time, turning their heads towards one another in alarm. And then, they both began to laugh, quiet yet amused, shattering the silence entirely.

“You first,” Yakumo said.

“You were right,” Louis said, sitting forward in the chair. “Every single thing you said last night, it was all right. I was trying so hard to make up for everything I’ve done that I wasn’t thinking about your feelings, or anyone else’s. I thought that if I could deal with the consequences, that would be enough. But…we really are running low, aren’t we? And every time I make us go back out there to search for more, it puts us at risk.”

“It’s not that I have a problem with you sharing our stock,” Yakumo said, not wanting to be misunderstood entirely. “What I do have a problem with is you giving out literally everything to our last supplies. Who’s gonna help the poor lost revenants if you’ve gone Lost, Louis? Who’s gonna help _you _if we’re all shambling corpses?”

“I know you’re right,” Louis said, unable to meet his eyes. “I get so caught up in…in my own guilt, it becomes difficult to think clearly sometimes. I see someone suffering, so I want to help.”

“Then see when we’re suffering, and help _us._” Yakumo said. “It doesn’t make sense to keep trying to fix something when you don’t even remember what you did. What if you’ve got it all wrong? I dunno what you _think _you did, but it might be you filling gaps with your own conjecture.”

Louis exhaled deeply, shaking his head. “No, I’m certain I know what I did.” He paused, then looked down at his hands. “That’s my apology, Yakumo. I truly am sorry.”

“Me too,” Yakumo said. “I was being an ass and I know it. You’re a friend and I don’t let friends get hurt. All that shit I said to you last night, I shouldn’t have said it, drunk or not. If you’d actually gone Lost, I don’t know what I would have done with myself. It would have been my fault.”

“Don’t blame yourself for my shortcomings, I was the one who skipped beads.” 

“And I was the one who ran your time out on it.” Yakumo sighed. “Just accept the apology, okay? You weren’t the only one not thinking about how other people would feel. I was so caught up in my own anger that I didn’t consider what your opinion was.”

Louis stood up, retrieving his blood veil and pulling it over his shoulder. “Looks like we still have a lot to learn then, the both of us. I’ve never been all that good with other people’s feelings—but I want to change that. I know I can.” He walked away, looking over his shoulder all the while. “I was doing some thinking, and I’m certain I know where we can locate a spring. How about it? I was planning on going alone, but I could do with the company. You know as well as I do that I prefer a travelling party, especially one who draws as much enemy attention as you do.”

“Oh, so you want to use me as _bait_?” Yakumo said, smirking. Louis laughed, shaking his head. “I’m kidding, Louis. You’ve got me, so long as we’re keeping _all _the blood beads we find. I want a mega feast tonight, you got it?”

He clapped him over the back, his slighter frame shoved forward from the force—but it wasn’t hostile, like the night before. This was friendly, fun, Louis-and-Yakumo as they always were, fire-forged friends who had met in the darkness of Vein, who looked out for one another as they were supposed to.

Louis smiled finally, the subtle nod of his head enough. “You got it.”

**Author's Note:**

> I spent this entire fic going "THIS IS TOO OOC YAKUMO WOULD NEVER BE THIS BRUTAL TO A FRIEND" but he's drunk so it's justified. I never intended for Louis to frenzy i literally only set out to write him being angry but then it took on a life of its own. Does frenzy even come on this fast? Mia seems to come on p suddenly but then again she did touch a vestige. idk man, idk.
> 
> i need to finish my GE Hugo fic but I've been so caught up in my original projects that I NEVER HAVE TIME AAAA even this was barely snatched from the jaws of my life rushing by too quickly. i've got some plans for other fics for CV but whether or not I'll actually manage to get them done, who knows


End file.
